A troubled couple went to see a marriage counselor. After many sessions with unsuccessful attempts to get the couple to view their problems in the same way, the counselor was feeling frustrated with their stonewalling.
The day came when the unhappy wife simply blurted out, “I just need to feel swept off my feet with love and passion and romance.” In one swift move the counselor stood and pulled her to her feet. Bending her backward in his arms, he proceeded to kiss her thoroughly with great passion. He then sat her back down in the chair beside the befuddled husband. Hoping that he might have finally gotten through to the man, the counselor turned to face the husband and said with a smile, “And that, sir, is what your wife needs about three times a week.” To which the husband hesitantly drawled, “O-k-a-y…guess I can bring her by Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.”
Several years ago, Gary Chapman wrote a great book, “The Five Love Languages.” He pointed out that each of us have one particular way that makes us feel loved, more than any other. Some people feel a need for (1) words of affirmation, others thrive on (2) physical touch. There are many who feel loved when they receive (3) gifts, and others need (4) acts of service done for them. Then there those who respond best to (5) time together.
If you have a relationship with someone, then you want that person to feel loved by you. And in return, you also want and expect that someone to do the same. But for this to happen, each of you need to know what knocks your socks off. While also realizing that your own love language probably doesn’t do a thing for your partner’s socks.
Here’s some examples of the problem. You may be a female who knows that receiving an expensive gift simply sweeps you off your feet. So unthinkingly, you assume the same works for your loved one. Au contraire, my assuming friend! If he’s someone who feels loved when there is a hot meal on the table and clean socks and underwear in his dresser drawer, then you will have totally missed the mark when you spend seventy-five hours a week working to buy him a Rolex watch.
And if you are one of those husbands who depend on calling your touchy-feely wife six times a day to say “I love you,” while you spend your down-time fishing or hunting with the guys, you probably just should go ahead and call a divorce lawyer instead of her.
Want a thriving relationship? Learn! Learn what your loved one needs. Learn what you want. Then communicate – don’t assume. Because you can easily assume wrong, and eventually see your loved one searching for the nearest exit. And leave you scratching your head and wondering what in the world went wrong.
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