Beware of Forcing Your Mate to Compete

The young man’s bride of a whole six months waltzed dramatically into the den to show off her new outfit. But engrossed in the college football game of his alma mater, he never took his eyes off the screen. Slightly miffed, she moved in front of the tv to force him to notice her. Unfortunately, at the precise second she chose to make her move, his quarterback launched a thirty yard pass that hopefully would tie the game. He let out a frustrated bellow, and certainly not really thinking of consequences, young husband brusquely told her to move aside so he could at least see the replay.

Needless to say, the first argument of their young marriage began. Hours, and buckets of tears later, she finally admitted her fear, “You obviously love football more than you love me!” Honest Abe thought a few seconds, and then made a fatal mistake when he blurted, “Well, honey, I love you a lot more than basketball.”

That night a little smarter Abe got well acquainted with the guest bedroom.

Sometimes priorities can get a little off-center. The pleasure you get from that hobby can easily derail your common sense, and make you totally ignore what you know…that your loved one is more important than your hobby.

Be very wary if you find yourself pouring your time, or money, or even affection into what started out as a harmless pastime, but can end up as a hairy problem. If it makes your loved one feel neglected and abandoned, you got a hairy problem Social media, sports, outdoor activities, and friends are all a good thing, if kept where they belong…. below your spouse on your list of ‘I Want To Do This.’ Otherwise, you are running the risk of damaging the very relationship that started out as Priority Uno.

Hobbies and side activities are a great thing, as long as they are just that – side stuff. Never let them become so important to you that your mate begins to feel jealous or abandoned. You are inviting consequences down the line that you are not going to enjoy. Because, rare is the loved one who simply takes that kind of abuse quietly. Maybe not in a knockdown drag-out, they may be passive-aggressive in showing you their hurt feelings, but sooner or later those feelings will make their presence known.

Need some passive-aggressive examples? Mate starts looking for sly ways to hurt you. Bowling shirt got misplaced…hmmm, wonder how that happened? Spouse quits talking to you – or anything else. Money suddenly disappearing at a previously unknown rate into the pockets of local department stores. What used to be admiration and honor deteriorates into sniping and griping. Or some other irritating behavior that you will notice in your relationship.

Realize, analyze, and be ready to apologize. Talk it out and compromise. You don’t have to totally give up your hobby, you just need to put it in its proper place.